Time out!

May 13, 2014

I need time. Seriously, I need something like five extra hours a day. That, or free room and board for the next year.

Looking through my files, I have four stories that are critiqued, and need to be edited by me. I also have two stories more or less ready to go, but need a final look-over. And then I need to submit them to publishers.

Arrgh! I just want to get this all done, especially because I’ve been neglecting the novel and its seemingly endless editing process.

But this is why we become writers in the first place. Well, telling stories, of course, but everything associated with it as well.

Seriously, though, if someone could magically add a few hours to the day not requiring extra sleep, I’d be eternally grateful.

Running into the past

May 12, 2014

I don’t want to make it a habit to write about personal things on this blog, but I need to write about it. I hate how every time I complain publicly about something that happened in my life, everyone whines about it and asks if I have a personal journal. But what’s to point in that? I’m upset, I want people to know. Even if it just means putting some bitchtastic post online and not doing much else about it.

But whatever the case, I am a writer, after all. I write about things. And if I can’t get my real life things out, then how can I get anything out at all?

(Well, a good answer to that is the upcoming issue of Perihelion, which my story “Space Squid!” will be included in! Stay tuned!)

So where was I? Ah, yes, my personal life. So…

Unfortunately, I am not quite at the point where I am lucrative enough as an author to make a living off of that. In fact, I barely make money from it. Hopefully someday, but that’s beside the point. As of right now, I have to work a regular joe job.

I’m in the fashion industry. I love it. Retail was never a favorite of mine, but I will admit that I love people, and I love clothes, so hey, high end retail fashion is it for me! What I love most is that there’s actually communication between management and the associates. Seriously, this is a rare thing. To be honest, I’m surprised that the Barnes & Noble I used to work at is still open because of this.

Well anyway, today I was at work, strolling around as using, saying hello to everyone. I make it a point to say hi to every single person I see, even if they’re not shopping in the men’s department. Giving them the cold shoulder won’t send them running back, of course.

So not paying attention, I see two people walking my way. One is a tall, gangly kid with a big blond white kid ‘fro, and the other is a young woman with short dark hair, glasses, lots of tattoos, and a baby stroller. Not thinking, I said, “How are you guys today?” They both responded positively and kept walking. But my heart about stopped.

See, that woman was my ex-friend “Pam”. Pam and her husband “Don” were very, very good friends of mine a long time back. (That guy with her was her brother). Hearing her voice somehow sealed it in my mind that it was her—I didn’t realize at first, but it all made sense.

Back with my ex, the four of us had a blast. What I never realized was how they were plotting against me the entire time. They only cared about money and status, not good intentions and honesty. So they went out of their way to ruin me.

They convinced my ex to break up with me and move out, giving me no time to find an apartment. Worse than that, they made sure to go behind my back to as many friends of mine as they could and get them to hate me.

Luckily, most people were on my side in that stupid thing. Just because I didn’t make a ton of money and spend it all on the ex, they saw me as worthless. Sorry I was just trying to pay rent and make sure I could eat, folks!

I know that in the end, it all worked out great. I found a great apartment, met a wonderful woman whom I am marrying later this year, and ended up losing a ton of weight. But the fact that Pam and Don had to be so damned underhanded and go out of their way to ruin everything for me is what burns me up. Seeing her today just reminded me of how shitty some people can be.

There will always be assholes in this world. There will always be people who feel the need to wave their status in other peoples’ faces and remind them of how they are “less than” while lording over them. But why? That’s what I wonder.

I don’t think she recognized me. She didn’t seem like it, and didn’t look back at me. It’s been over three years since we’ve been around each other, I’ve lost a lot of weight since then, and my hair is super short right now (it used to be past my shoulders). Even if she did, she hid it well. Was she surprised? Angry? Indifferent? I don’t know—and I want to say I don’t care.

But of course, I do. Why else would I be writing this? I never wanted to see her or her husband again. I did, and luckily, there was no incident. And even though I’m extremely happy to be away from the life that I once lived when they were still friends of mine, I can never forgive them for doing what they did.

I don’t think anyone could.