Quittin’ time?

June 29, 2015

I used to pride myself in writing every day. If new words were not put on paper, writing was at least being worked on: editing, proofreading, and even submitting stories always felt like progress had been made. Lately, I’ve been trying, but can’t even bring myself to do much of that.

New ideas feel like they’re few and far between. I should say, for short stories they are. I’ve got a few, and I’ve even started writing them…but good luck finishing them, or even really wanting to follow through. I guess I get discouraged shortly into it, and wonder why I’m even bothering.

(As for longer ideas, like novels, I’ve got plenty of those. Due to certain circumstances, I’m pausing on that for now, but will start up real soon.)

But I’m getting discouraged with editing and submitting as well. I’m happy with my stories and ideas, but I feel like I need something to keep me moving. The good fight needs motivation, encouragement, and I’ve got none of those right now.

Last year, I wanted to get a story published (or at least accepted for publication) once a month. Totally doable, and totally plausible. It didn’t happen. This year has been worse. I’ve got a story coming up soon, but know when it was accepted? December 24th. Over six months ago. Since then…nothing.

One of the problems I’m noticing is that a lot of publications (not all, but many) are what I would call nonconventional. While the format is typical, the types of stories they want isn’t the “norm”. I have no problem with female characters, gay characters, disabled characters, racial characters, and whatnot. But should I start writing things like this just so I can get published?

I’m no stranger to writing about non-white, non cis-male characters. Do I need to make a fuss over what color the characters’ skin is just so I can get published, though? That stuff shouldn’t even matter—it’s the story that counts. Besides, someone once said since I’m a white male, I need to stick to what I know (even though I don’t agree with that).

While many of the publications out there don’t mind if your character is a white male, they’ve all rejected me. Surely, someone wants my writing, right?

Or maybe it just sucks.

That’s what I’m thinking. And I have a bad feeling that if I self-publish a few short stories, very few people will even care.

I know this should just be about the money, and it isn’t. However, this is what I want my job to be. I’m sick of retail, and I went to college to be a writer. You don’t go to college to be an accountant and then work for free because it’s just so much fun, do you? What it’s about is realizing that I suck.

I’m lacking confidence. I’m lacking faith in my own abilities. I’m lacking motivation, and more than anything, I’m lacking reasons to care.

Will anyone care if I just quit?

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