The Wish

March 17, 2017

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! In honor of my rich Irish heritage (okay, maybe a quarter of me?), I’m celebrating the day not by getting plastered and running around like an idiot with a Kermit the Frog puppet hanging from my backpack, but instead with the one thing I love best–telling a story.

It’s short, silly, and probably not very good. Still, I had fun writing it. Enjoy!


The Wish

Amidst the chaos of climate change and wishy-washy weather patterns, spring had come early. Not budging in temperature or lack of precipitation for two weeks, people let out a collective breath and pulled out their light jackets. Joey maintained his heavy boots and gloves, though. Working outside for long periods of time always brought a chill to his bones.

This most recent assignment too him away from the city, away from even the most remote of the new subdivisions. Out in the country, one would frequently spot a patch of trees, even tiny forests larger than a few yards put together.

Not out here. Rural and countryside, no doubt, but these fields stretched into the horizon. Forests, true to their name, dotted the endless plains, filled with flora and fauna of all sorts. Possibly even some we know nothing about, Joey thought.

He pushed his way through the barriers of tall grasses and scraggly shrubs. Darkness, despite the patches of streaming sunlight illuminating the foyer of the smaller trees, reigned supreme. He stood still, clutching his weapon close to his torso, allowing his eyes to adjust.

So much green. Even this early in the year, the trees and all of their subordinates had sprouted into life, damn the potential frost or chill. Vines choked trees, plants littered the ground, and moss carpeted anything it could. Joey breathed in deep, the sweet and sour, musty and fresh scents mingled in his nose.

Whatever this forest boasted, whether real or not, would never expect such an early discover. Tales from travelers and even the errant farmer spoke of something emerging under the light of the moon or cover of darkness, destroying anything and everything in its path. There was no pattern, and no rhyme or reason. With zero percent failure, Joey had no doubt this would end the way his agency expected.

Small creatures scurried out of sight, leaving nothing but scattered dead leaves in their wake. Birds took off and landed, their screeches and cries echoing in the silence of the early morning. Joey’s footsteps crunched on the ground, but placed with care and practice as to keep attention away from himself.

Deeper into the woods he went, gripping his rifle tight, but held low. Eyes darted in every direction, scanning for any possible lair belonging to the scourge of the countryside. A mound, a fallen tree, or even a large nest up above might house this creature, this thing that no one could describe with anything other than fear.

Joey smiled. He had put down scarier beasts than the most experienced D&D player…and this was real life.

He checked his watch. Only fifteen minutes had passed. Behind, the treeline of the forest still stood close. Had he been walking that slow, or was this treacherous terrain? Not that it mattered, this job was over when it ended. He continued on.

Twigs snapped and leaves rustled. Nothing out of the ordinary, and not anything that would terrorize under cover of darkness. Still, he gripped his Model 70 tighter, finger grazing the trigger. One after the other, he stepped forth over a narrow fallen tree.

The nearest house had to be over two miles from here, a storage barn maybe one. So how did he hear music all of a sudden?

Cheerful, upbeat music, fiddles and flutes and drums all working together in rhythm and speed, emanating from somewhere ahead. Joey peered through the scope attached to his Winchester. Panning the forest from left to right and back again, nothing revealed itself. Still, someone or something was out there. Whether some carefully hidden musicians or a radio left behind by some partying country kids, Joey’s ears never deceived him.

It grew louder with every step he took. Moving in a straight line directly through the middle of the woods, Joey knew he followed the right path. More instruments joined in with the growing volume, sounds of rhythmic clapping and foot tapping rounding it out. Wherever it came from, it sounded like a pretty good hootenanny.

And then he saw it.

Through the dim light of the midday forest, golden illumination flooded out of a three, tall and wide. On the side opposite Joey, the light and music spilled onto the forest floor. He crept around the base, holding his breath.

An opening no taller than a toddler and just as wide revealed itself. Joey backed away, but cocked his body to the left, allowing him to see inside. While the tree was no more than three feet wide, the inside held much more, a paradox to the human eye.

Not to Joey. Some of the things he had seen and dealt with would cause a comic book artist to faint. This was real. And he knew exactly what was inside.

None of them had noticed him. The ten little folk, no taller than two feet each, danced and clapped and played their music. Amongst the ornately carven interior, the leprechauns carried on without a care in the world. However long this fete had been going on was anyone’s guess, but Joey had a feeling they never kept track. While legends dictated that he would get three wishes by catching one, he knew that to be nothing but a mummer’s tale. Something else was going on here, and he knew exactly what.

Whipping around, he raised his rifle and prepared to fire. Silent and lithe, the giant snake reared back, ready to strike. Had he waited even one second longer, those massive fangs would be sunken to the gums in Joey already.

“Don’t even think about it,” he whispered. “Don’t make another move.” Animals rarely understood when he talked to them, but it comforted him to do so. Pointing a long gun at them usually got the point across, but a well-timed bullet also helped.

Slowly, the snake sunk closer to the ground. Its forked tongue flickered, eyes locked on Joey’s. Trailing off into the distance, the only possible way to measure its length would be to kill it, but the head had to be the size of a moped. At its widest, the tube-like body rivaled that of Joey’s wide, muscular frame, but could easily swallow him whole.

He held firm, feet not moving. If the pale green reptile speared into him, it would take quite a bit of force to knock him over. One bullet from his gun, however, would make a quick end of his stand-off foe.

“Ye didnae fall fer it!”

The voice resembled every stereotypical leprechaun voice he had ever heard on television or a movie. Those sprang from truth, Joey reflected, so it made sense. He never took his sights off the massive beast or lower his weapon, but the wee-folk had his attention.

“You were a distraction.”

“True. And our friend brings us the baddest of the bad.”

“I’m not bad.”

The snake moved backwards, less than a foot. Joey’s finger grazed the trigger, but didn’t squeeze too tight.

“Yeh’re all bad. Yeh jes’ don’na know it.”

The snake’s head lifted from the ground. Joey’s heart jolted. Before he could even blink, the beast reared fully back, immediately shooting towards him.

His ears rang with the gunshot. Before the snake even had a chance to open its wide, fang-filled mouth, Joey had pulled the trigger. The large green head exploded, blood spattering the surrounding trees.

He spun at the waist, right arm shooting forth. His fingers wrapped around the leprechaun’s jacket as the little man gasped. Joey lowered his gun as he pulled the wee-folk up to his eye line.

“I want a wish,” Joey growled.

“Yeh get three.” The leprechaun clawed at Joey’s hand and wrist, but may as well have been punching a brick wall.

Joey smiled. “I only need one. Get me a monster worth going after. Something that won’t go down without a fight.”

The leprechaun’s eyes threatened to bulge from its head.

“Yeh don’na want that! I’ve seen it, believe me, it’s ugly.” He rolled his eyes back to the tree. “Wanna come in an’ have a pint or two? Special brew, just for us wee folk.”

Joey pulled him closer so that their noses practically touched. “I like ugly. I want terror. I want evil. I want to feel like I need to run for the first time in my life.”

The leprechaun looked off to the side for a moment. A wide grin appeared as his eyes returned to Joey’s.

“How about a dearg due?”

Joey scoffed. “Stake through the heart.”

“Dullahan?”

“Give it gold.”

“Balore?”

He hefted up his rifle. “Shoot it in the eye.”

Beads of sweat dripped out from underneath the leprechaun’s bowler hat. He tugged at his collar, taking a deep breath.

“What about…Caorthannach?”

Joey dropped the little faerie. His mouth fell open, corners curling up. Slowly, he nodded.

“There’s no water around here. I won’t know what to do.”

“Wish granted, then.”

Joey looked down at the little man. “When and where?”

A sideways pillar of flame erupted scant feet to the left of Joey. He spun around, the darkness giving him no obfuscation as to what approached: a massive skull, enwrapped in fire.

He gripped his Winchester close to his body. That wouldn’t help, but it gave him comfort. The only thing he could do at this point was run.

Another burst of flame came close to him. The heat singed a few hairs on his arm. With a final look and nod at the leprechaun, Joey turned back towards the way he entered the forest and started to run.

He would have loved to take up the leprechaun on his offer of beer, but this was far better. Finally, a reason to run.

 

THE END

Destroy All Monsters!

January 12, 2017

I’ve been lax on posting these flash fiction pieces, but hey, life happens. Anyway, enjoy!


Karen was no stranger to monsters.  Real monsters, beings that defied the laws of reality and logic as humanity knew it.  Real monsters, like from horror movies, not just horribly evil people that did horrible things.  Her job, in fact, was that of a monster hunter, and she had just received the commendation from her boss of being the best one in the country.

Yet how did one manage to get into her apartment?

Sitting on her blue couch, reading a magazine and eating unsalted popcorn, Karen’s heart attempted to burst through her chest when the door flew out into the corridor.  The wooden doorframe and plaster walls burst in, smoke and debris clouding her vision for a moment.

When the rubble cleared, she saw a monster.

It was once a human being.  It had grown at least three feet, gained close to one-hundred pounds—all muscle—and the skin was greenish-bluish-yellowish.  Much like the green guy from the comics, his pants were shredded but remained intact in one specific area.

Eyes, massive and bloodshot, landed on her.  Its huge nostrils flared, while its gaping maw of a mouth opened wider than she ever could have foreseen, revealing fangs and goopy saliva trailing down to the floor.  Its bare feet stomped in, boasting a skull-crushing size and toenails that could rip a man to shreds.

Karen’s hunter-like instincts took over.  As the intruding monster reared its grotesque head back and emitted a window-shaking roar, Karen sprang from the couch.  On the end table next to the television which she never watched, she kept her main sidearm, Victor.  As she pulled the .44 from its holster, she aimed at the thing’s head.

And immediately put the gun down.

“David?”  She took a tentative step toward him.  “I’d recognize that scar anywhere.  You’re my brother.”

The monster raised a massive hand to its cheek, running a bratwurst-sized finger along the deep scar, the last lingering memento of a cherry bomb in a coffee can from his thirteenth birthday party.

Suddenly the eyes became glassy pools in which Karen saw nothing but sympathy.  David had been working as an errand boy for Thomas Wick, the local mad scientist.  He was really a chiropractor that wrote articles about genetic engineering, but everyone called him a mad scientist.  Chances were, David had been outsourced to a real geneticist, who turned him into this mutated version of himself.

“You kill us,” David said.  His voice was harsh and clumpy, like he wanted to say more but couldn’t remember how.  With his body growing big, his brain must have shrunk.

“I can’t kill you,” Karen said.  “You’re my brother.  I love you.”

“Kill me.  Please kill.”  David stepped closer to her.  He reached forth and lifted Karen’s hand with the gun to point it at his chest.  “Put me out of misery.”

Tears stung Karen’s eyes.  She had made a vow to destroy all monsters, but her own brother?  How could she?

Just then, a howl split the silence.  Through the hole in the wall that once was the door, a man-sized jaguar leapt in.  Fists balled and teeth bared, it looked ready to kill.

It snarled.  “Grr, you killed my brothers!  Now I kill you!”  With its tail flailing wildly, it sprang forward, ready to pounce on Karen.

Eyes clenched and finger itching on the trigger, Karen needed to wait until the time was right.  When nothing happened, she opened her eyes.

David had reached out just as the werejaguar leapt.  His entire hand wrapped around its neck, the life had been squeezed out of it.  David smiled.

“I help.  I kill monster too.”

“You did,” Karen said.  “I can’t kill you.  But you can help me hunt other monsters.”

“I want to help.”  David dropped the werejaguar.  It fell to the ground like a sack of pudding.

“Then let’s go,” Karen said.  “Let’s start by finding the monster who did this to you.”


Thoughts? Let me know in the comments!

IT’S FREE!!!

January 1, 2017

Back in October, I posted a Halloween story on Smashwords. I thought I could make some money to help me out a little but and charged $.99 for it. That’s less than a dollar!

No one bought it!

So, Happy New Year. I made it free! Go read it and enjoy it. You’ll be glad you did.

It’s the Great Murdering Pumpkin, Charlie Townes

Stay tuned for more great stories from me, including my novel which will be up soon!

Naughty Cookies

December 24, 2016

Three years ago, there was a contest for a flash fiction piece about Christmas. This was super mega micro flash, because the story couldn’t be more than 250 words. I didn’t win (big shock) but I did manage to write a flash story at 250 words. Since it’s about Christmas and that just so happens to be tomorrow, enjoy as my gift to you this year!


“Naughty Cookies”

by Myke Edwards

Typically reeking of garlic and liquor, gingerbread and nutmeg wafted through the alley this particular Christmas Eve.  Nick waited at the dumpster, tapping his foot.  The man with the bag was ten minutes late.

Frigid air swirled about, carrying the distant sound of ringing bells.  Up above, Nick saw scant, brave stars poking through the light pollution of the city.  A dark object glided among them, better late than never.  It doubled back, descending and landing atop a nearby building.

With a grunt, a man, taller than a spruce tree and dressed in red furs landed on the ground.  Coming from five stories up, his boots left an indentation in the concrete.  Over his shoulder, he hefted the bag, overstuffed and bursting at the seams.

“What took you?” Nick asked.  He approached the man.

“Too many naughty children this year.”  He tossed the bag to Nick, like it weighed nothing.  “I couldn’t get them all.”  It landed heavy on the ground between them.

“Then go collect what you can,” Nick said.  “Your workshop on Mars could always use more workers.”

“I lost half of my elves this year!  I need to collect as many of those naughty children as I can.”

“Why did you even send the elves out?  You know the bad kids always kill them.”  Nick opened the bag, cringing at the sight.  Countless corpses of elves, already beginning to decompose.

“I can’t be everywhere at once.  Now recycle them into cookies.  I’ll be starving by tomorrow morning.”

THE END?


Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah to one and all! Happy Holidays and anything else you may celebrate! No matter what you believe and celebrate, I love, cherish, and respect all my sexy friends 😉

Jade’s Last Stand

September 24, 2016

Hey! More FREE flash fiction, just for you, my lovely sexies! Hastily written with one goal in mind–to entertain–these short reads will give you something better to do than sitting around and complaining that there’s nothing to do! So enjoy, one and all. And remember, there’s plenty more to come.

This is a story about a man named Jade. He’s no Macgyver, certainly no Ted Cruz, but he is a person. Enjoy!

—————————————————————————-

Jade’s Last Stand

by Myke Edwards

The Gray fell to the floor, dead.

Jade looked down at the skinny, rubbery-looking alien and tossed his pistol aside.  It bounced when it landed on his tightly made bed.  The barrel smoked, but not as much as the hole in the alien’s massive head.

Approaching twenty-nine, he had been abducted twice as many times in half as many years.  He couldn’t even keep track of how many anal probes he had received.  Tubes up his urethra, spikes in every limb, hoses up his nose, down his throat, up his ass and everywhere in between.

He’d had enough of it.

Only once had he fought back.  On the ship, on the way to whatever world these things came from—not that Jade had ever been there, they always just took him up, flew off into space, and went joyriding while the scientists poked and prodded at him—he thrashed around.  Kicked one in the chest and another in the side of its massive dome.  One stood there quivering, speaking in that undecipherable hibbity-jibbity language of theirs, massive black eyes threatening to burst into flowing waves of goo.  Jade grabbed it by the throat and punched repeatedly.

Two more ran into the lab, shocked him with electric prods that looked a lot like his sister’s dildo (its discovery a tragic result of a really boring Sunday afternoon), and he went down.  When he awoke, his arms and legs had been amputated.  The scientists, now a little puffy and dented, laughed and taunted him.  Later on, after they sewed his limbs back, they amputated his penis and grafted it to his chin.

Jade did everything to block the memory of that day.  Much like the abductions, it never stopped.

But this time, early in October, mere days before his birthday, he had been getting ready for bed.  One of the Grays came to his room the same as always, its appearance telling him “Surprise!  Butt Sex!”  But not the good kind of butt sex, like he had once paid a hooker five-hundred big ones for.  Nope, it was the kind where he was on the receiving end, and no money changed hands.

Not anymore.

Jade had purchased a gun last week.  Like fluid, he saw the alien, dove for the bedside table, and yanked it out from the small drawer.  Before the creepy invader had a chance to blather in the ridiculous voice, Jade pulled the trigger.

It went down.  He was happy.

Outside the window, the ship appeared.  Jade’s skin became gooseflesh.  His scrotum shriveled into a prune.  His heart beat into overdrive.  They were coming for him.  Whether he wanted to or not, he was going.

Not anymore.

As the dildo-prod-bearing Gray security detail materialized in his bedroom, Jade laughed.  He picked up the pistol from his bed and aimed it at the intruders.  Before he fired, he realized that killing them was a bad idea.  After all, they’d just send more.

Jade put the barrel of the gun in his mouth.  With a smile and a wink at the Grays, he pulled the trigger.

 

THE END


Love it? Hate it? Thirsty for more? Let me know in the comments!

EDIT: Apparently I already posted this three years ago. I thought I took it down, but whatevs…this is an updated version, but just as free.

And as always, check out my Smashwords page for more FREE writing and lots more to come!

Omar’s Well

September 10, 2016

Very proud to announce my latest self-publishing venture.

Go check it out:

Omar’s Well

It’s free! Why are you still here?

Mummy Attack!

August 28, 2016

I promised you flash fiction, so here ya’ll go! More than that, I promised you the very first flash story I ever wrote–this is it! A friend had told me that “true” flash fiction was 100 words or less, but that’s not important. I managed to write something short that tells a complete story, and saves you time.

It was much shorter, but I had to fix some stuff. The writing was pretty atrocious, after all. Hey, I wrote it in 2004, what did you expect?

Anyway, enjoy!

MUMMY ATTACK!

I had been working as a grave digger for the past three months, literally working on the graveyard shift. Even though it was the end of September, it was hotter than blazes in the middle of the night. Worst of all, I was only half-way done with my work for the day.

At three in the morning, I took my lunch, as always. Color me disrespectful, but some of the tombstones made perfect picnic benches. As I sat down, a moaning wafted my way.

Jolting to my feet, I held my shovel in an attack position. My manager warned me about potential zombie attacks, but I had yet to experience one. This was no zombie, however.

It came quicker than I anticipated. A white blur ran in front of me. Seconds later, something from behind punched me in the head. Before my shovel even hit the ground, the white blur snatched it up.

Looking over my shoulder, I saw it behind my back. The sight of it grabbed hold of me, taking over my senses. I spun around, but stumbled backwards into the freshly dug shallow grave, knocking the wind from my lungs.

As it started piling the dirt on top of me, my eyes focused long enough to see what my bane truly was: MUMMY!


Thanks a lot for reading! Liked it? Hated it? Tell me in the comments!

If you enjoyed reading this, please check out My Smashwords Page for more writing, much of it free! (Okay, there’s only one story there now, but more is coming soon!)

I Did It

August 13, 2016

Well, I did it. I took the plunge and self-published. A lot of people are probably thinking, “What took you so long?” Some others are probably wondering why I need a blog post to celebrate this. But my vainglorious attempts at becoming a bookstore cover name have dwindled so small I had to accept that the only way I can do this is on my own.

So, here ya go. People who clearly know better than me, people who think they know better than me, and people who just love to scream out unsolicited advice–I’ve self-published. Happy?

As of now, it’s only one story. More are coming, trust me. And yes, my novel I’ve had sitting here collecting dust will go up as well. There’s a lot of work involved in this, work I could put towards writing something new, but I’ll have to take it on the chin and accept that I’m playing more than one or two roles in this now.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/mykelen

Go there. Enjoy it. Write a review! And as always, thanks a lot for looking. I love all my sexy friends and fans, and I wouldn’t still do this if not for you guys!

Planet Flippers

August 10, 2016

Coming soon…VERY soon!

Everyone has been on my case about self-publishing for so long, so here it goes. My first foray into doing it on my own, and it’s just about as much work as I expected.

Still, I’m excited, and I can’t wait to get this posted. And yes, it’s free!

Planet Flippers

Stay tuned, for info on how and where to get it!

Stay sexy, my friends.

Jade’s Last Stand

October 1, 2013

Today is the first of my free flash fiction pieces.  Written in a flash, edited in less time, it’s just something short and fun for ya’ll to read–that doesn’t take 4,000 words to say!  Sound off in the comments, but just remember: it’s free!  

Jade’s Last Stand

The Gray fell to the floor, dead.

Jade looked down on the skinny, rubbery-looking alien and tossed his pistol aside.  It bounced when it landed on his tightly made bed.  The barrel smoked, but not as much as the hole in the alien’s massive head.

Approaching twenty-nine, he had been abducted twice as many times in half as many years.  He couldn’t even keep track of how many anal probes he had received.  Tubes up his urethra, spikes in every limb, hoses up his nose, down his throat, up his ass and everywhere in between.

He had had it.

Once, he had fought back.  On the ship, on the way to whatever world these things came from—Jade had never been there, mind you, they simply took him up, flew off into space, and went joyriding while the scientists poked and prodded at him—he thrashed around.  Kicked on in the chest, another in the side of its massive dome.  One stood there quivering, speaking in that undecipherable hibbity-jibbity language of theirs, massive black eyes threatening to burst into flowing waves of goo.  Jade grabbed it by the throat and punched repeatedly.

Two Grays ran into the lab, shocked him with electric prods that looked a lot like his sister’s dildo (a tragic result of a really boring Sunday afternoon), and he went down.  When he awoke, his arms and legs had been amputated.  The scientists, now a little puffy and dented, laughed and taunted him.  Later on, after they sewed his limbs back, they amputated his penis and grafted it to his chin.

Jade tried hard to forget the memory of that day.  Much like the abductions, it never stopped.

But this time, early in October, mere days before his birthday, he had been getting ready for bed.  One of the Grays came to his room the same as always, its appearance telling him “Surprise!  Butt Sex!”  But not the good butt sex, like the kind he had once paid a hooker five-hundred big ones for.  Nope, it was the kind where he was on the receiving end, and not getting paid unfortunately.

Not anymore.

Jade bought a gun.  Like fluid, he saw the alien, dove for the bedside table, and yanked it out from the small drawer.  Before the creepy invader had a chance to blather in the ridiculous voice, Jade pulled the trigger.

It went down.  He was happy.

But outside the window, the ship appeared.  Jade’s skin became gooseflesh.  His scrotum shriveled into a prune.  His heart went into overdrive.  They were coming.  And whether he wanted to go or not, he was going.

Not anymore.

As the dildo-prod-bearing Gray security detail materialized in his bedroom, Jade laughed.  He picked up the pistol from his bed and aimed it at the intruders.  On second thought, however, killing them was a bad idea.  After all, they’d just send more.

Jade put the barrel of the gun in his mouth.  With a smile and a wink at the Grays, he pulled the trigger.

THE END