Yeah. I’m lazy.

Well!

I’m glad I never told anyone about this blog.  I fussed about making it, getting everything just perfect.  I even slaved over my first post, making sure it said everything exactly how I wanted.  What a shock, no?  Only one post, and quite a while ago at that.  If anyone else knew about this, they’d be pestering me for another one, no doubt.

So, here you go.  Maybe now I can start telling people about this?  I know that blogging isn’t exactly the pinnacle of “cool” these days, not in this day of twitter and Facebook and DVR.  No one has the time to sit down and write a blog, let alone read one.  If it’s more than 160 characters, who cares, right?

Well I care.  Because I’m a writer, dammit.  And I’m going to continue to write, whether it’s a story or a blog or an email, whatever.  I love it.

I just don’t have the time for it.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, I’m not exactly a full-time writer.  Oh, I wish I wish I wish.  But alas, life is what it is, and I must work a full-time job.  And it’s in front of a computer.  For 8 hours a day.

Do you really think I want to come home and sit in front of a computer for even longer?  Or on my breaks?  I tried that (in fact, I’m writing this on my lunch break, but it’s killing my tender eyes).

I feel exhausted, and just too “worded” out.  My job entails me writing emails to pissed off people who bought books from my company on Amazon or Abe or whatever and yet never received them.  It’s a great job, pays well, and has many awesome perks.

Except I’m sitting in front of a computer.  All.  Day.  Long.

Sigh…

I try.  I mean, I do write, and I write a lot.  I edit.  I workshop.  I critique other peoples’ stuff.  I even donate to Kickstarter campaigns for books.  I read.  I submit my stories for publication.

But it doesn’t feel like it’s enough.  Then again, it never does.

At this point, everything is up to me.  The ball is solely in my court, regardless of whether I send out a story or not.  I can send a story to 50 different publications, and it’s still up to me.

I have to keep writing.  Keep editing.  Keep submitting.  Keep on doing what I’m doing.

But there is a light at the end of this tunnel!  Last month, I got a story accepted for publication.  It was paid!  $20, sure, but hey, better than nothing at all.  I mean, I’ve been published before, but it was never anything that paid, and a lot of those places I discovered weren’t exactly well known publications.  More like blogs buried deep in the internet, the kind that people know are there, but don’t do much about.

Still, it was something.  And I’m trying for more.  And then this blog will mean something to me.  It’s not a chronicle of my failures.  It’s a record of my path to success.

I’ll get it.  No matter how much it hurts to reach for it, I’ll get it.